Almost
by keylish
Summary: He was just like all the others. Nothing special. And she almost had herself convinced. LLoneshot. COMPLETE.


Spoilers: Hmm. You know, that Luke and Lorelai went to a vow renewal, of Lorelai's favorite parents. If you know that, you're good.

Story takes place, after said vow renewal. Luke and Lorelai are broken up.

Dedication: This one, I'd like to dedicate to a spacemonkey, my newest betaand a friend of mine, named Kelly. You guys rock!

ooOoo

She blinked her tears away. She had done it. Again. She'd destroyed it all with one wrong word, with one wrong step in the wrong direction. Wrong. That was, what she had done. Hadn't her heart told her not to follow that path? Had her heart not told her to not follow that path? But she had not listened to it then. She just thought that her head knew it all. But wow, had she been wrong. And now it was all gone, just because she only almost listened to her heart.

Almost.

A tear travelled its way down her cheek, ever so slowly, as if it was in slow motion. Angrily she wiped it away. She did not have the right to cry right now. She simply did not posses that right now. She was not allowed to cry over something, she had done wrong. She alone had done wrong. Nobody else was to blame. And again, she lost a man over her good intentions. Again she had lost a man over something that could have been resolved over one true word, or even with a simple smile. But no. She, Lorelai Gilmore, lost herself a man again. A man that was just like the others. He was lost over the never changing fact that she was scared to lose him. Like all the others. He was just like all the others. And she almost had convinced herself.

Almost.

She curled herself up to a tiny ball that would not be seen by anybody. In fact, nobody would see her ever again. She would just stay here forever. Alone, never missed and always unloved. At the thought a smirk appeared on her face. Who was she to think she was unloved? She was not even sure she knew what love was. Maybe if she had known, it would have helped her deal with the situation. If she had been true and faithful and open and everything else, that people listened on their list of characteristics, they would connect with Lorelai Gilmore. That was not her. Although everybody thought so, it was definitely not who she was. Her beauty, her wit and her seemingly carelessness nature had fooled them all. Since she could think, she had fooled people with those gifts. Her most inner hope that she could truly be what all of the other people thought she was, had made her wish so hard that she was that way, that she almost had fooled herself.

Almost.

Her days were now a blur. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Everything seemed to rush by her without leaving the slightest imprint. Her nights were spent lying in her bed, thinking, lying to herself that she could catch some sleep if she only tried hard enough. She saw it all through a grey veil now. Everything seemed the same. Only for a few moments a day, the most important person in the world lifted that veil from her and made her smile. Only for a few moments a day, everything seemed colored with the most beautiful hues known to mankind. But these brief moments with her daughter on the phone were too short to help her out of the darkness she was captured in. It was all because she had lost him. She thought of one of her past lovers, and that seemed to entertain her for a while. But this one time, it was different. She even had dared to make a plan for the day after the present. She dared to dream about him. She dared to imagine him with a tiny bundle of joy in his arms. She dared to do so many things, she hadnt dared to imagine with so many of the men before. She almost dared to picture a forever with him.

Almost.

Days had gone by. Weeks. An eternity. She was still lying in bed, thinking about what could have been, what should have been, what she should have done, what she should have said. She wanted to go back in time and smile at him. Hug him. Just look at him. She couldn't even remember the last time she had laid her eyes on him. Today would be the day. Today would be the day she would get out of this damn bed and look at him. Even if only for one moment, just to see his face again, to prove to herself that she could do it. What would she do when she saw him? Would she just stand there and stare at him? Would she have the bravery to smile at him? She would. She knew it. She would be brave enough to smile. She would. She knew she would. She was almost sure of it.

Almost.

She walked down the street with a plan in her head. She would walk by his diner. She would cast a long look inside and hopefully spot him. She would imprint his face into her very soul. She would not stop. She would just walk by the window casually as if it didn't matter to her. As if she walked the very same path every day. She would be confident, as if she had something else on her mind, as if the agenda of her day was not to see his face again. It was paradoxical, this event. Normally she would get over a lost relationship by erasing the picture of the man that she had lost, along with the relationship. This time somehow it hadn't worked. So she tried reverse psychology on herself- imprint his face into her very soul so she could let him go. A paradox, indeed. She almost smiled at that.

Almost.

There she was now, on the street that would lead her by the diner. She clenched her fist, so as to erase the frown from her face that she had been wearing and replaced it with a gentle smile that was nearly invisible. Her legs moved, one in front of the other. She neared his window. She was just walking by. Not slowing down, just walking by. She turned her head to scan the area behind the window. She didn't see him at first, but then there he was, walking out of the kitchen, two plates in hand. His usual frown was plastered on his face, which made her wonder why he had customers at all. Just then, he looked up and out the window. Their eyes locked. It was a magnetic field. It would take all her power to let go of his gaze. She clenched her fist harder to remember to walk, to get her back to reality, to stop looking at him. His imprint in her very soul was deep enough now. Her fingernails dug into her palm and she yanked her gaze away. Her legs started up a quick pace and she was safe, or so she thought. She was almost safe.

Almost.

Just then, she found herself sitting on the pavement. She blinked rapidly to keep her confusion at bay. Kirk was standing over her, looking down at her. She blinked up at him.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"You have to watch where you go, Lorelai! You just can't walk blindly! Mother always used to tell me to open my eyes and ears…" Kirk told her, gesturing wildly.

A little smile formed on her face. Count on Kirk to drag her out of her darkness for a brief moment.

"…but you know how hard it is to open your ears? I mean, they are always open, right? My brothers always used to glue my ears shut so they were closed and I could open…"

Lorelai still blinked up at him, with her seat on the sidewalk in front of Luke's diner. Just then, Kirk was shoved away while complaining.

"Did anything happen to you?" a concerned voice asked.

Lorelai froze. It was his voice. She had not planned on hearing his voice. She had only planned on seeing his face. Only his face, not his touch, not his voice. But there he was, standing next to her, looking down at her, a concerned look on his features. He pulled her up on her feet again and looked her up and down, but didn't let go of her.

"You okay?"

A knot formed in her throat. She just managed a nod. She did not even look him in the eye. Her gaze was glued to their holding hands. She tried to pull her hand away. But he held it in place.

"You sure?"

She nodded again.

"You wanna come in? You know, for some.. uh.. coffee?"

She clenched the one hand that was not held in his death-grip to a fist, just so she could talk again. It took all her might to not feel the waves of electricity that his touching her sent through her whole body. It took all her will to concentrate on the fingernails that were digging in her flesh. It took all her strength to look up at him and smile.

"Oh, you know, I've had too much coffee to drink today already. Seven cups. Can you believe that? Seven cups! What person in their right mind drinks seven cups before 10 am? Who in their…"

"You only drank seven cups today?" He smiled, amused.

"Yeah, now would you let me go? I have a meeting that I can't be late…"

"You are always late."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Just let me go."

He frowned. His gaze bore into her soul. Or so she thought.

"No." he said with confidence in his voice.

"No?"

"No."

"Why not?" she whispered.

"I can't."

"You mean you're physically incapable of letting my hand go?"

"No. I just don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because you've only had seven cups of coffee today, and it's almost lunch time."

"So? You always wanted me to cut back on my coffee!" she said a little too loud.

"Not this way, Lorelai."

"Just let me go. Please?" she begged.

He sighed.

"Is this how it's going to be?"

"What?"

"You never coming back into the diner."

"I guess."

"But I don't want that," he stated.

She shrugged.

"Me neither, but it has to be that way. I'm sorry."

She walked away. He looked as she left him and ran after her.

"I'm not letting you go," he stated.

"But you already did!" she said with a hint of sadness in her voice, waving her hand in triumph.

"I want to get back together."

She stared at him. He stared at her.

He couldn't just have said that. He couldn't. That was impossible. They were never supposed to get together again. She was supposed to grow old alone. She was supposed to..

"What?"

He stared at her. He wrapped his arms around her and held on for dear life.

Lorelai blinked a few times. This was really happening. His arms were enveloping her in a warm, safe embrace. They were touching, she still wasn't quite prepared. But it was better than she had imagined. Her grey veil dropped. And everything was colorful again. She saw so many colors, so many that she didn't recognize them all. She closed her eyes and let the feeling overwhelm her. Then she felt his lips on hers. They were locked together in a dance through eternity. Now she knew. She knew what love was. Right at that moment, she knew. Thoughts of white dresses, laughter and many happy faces passed before her eyes. He was here forever. And that she was certain of.

She liked being certain.

(And I know for certain, that this is the end.)

THE END.

ooOoo

Whoa, you read it all! And i almost thought, you wouldn't! Good job! And now do me a huge favor and review! Not almost review...but really review! That's what I'd like. And I'm certain of it.


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